Been Living In My Head

I'm listening to some mozart, and drinking water here in front of the machine, i'm realizing that i've been living in my head. Not in the sense that i've been playing out a fictional life or anything of that sort rather thinking thoughts plainly and only in the isolation of my head, my mind; but this doesn't seem a virtue as so a vice, bringing myself to a whole new level of unrelating and antisocial qualities. In no way does it mean i'm some reprobate or misanthropist merely out of touch with whats going on socially, which causes all these unwanted emotions to creep in, seeping through the holes in my personality from not professing what's on or in my head. I've been reading a Buddhism book, saying to take reality as it is before thought; when i haven't a clue why this is beneficial in keeping yourself inline or anything more than content. Contentment is the most this way of life can achieve. It's much more practical to adopt some traits of the buddhist way of life and keep what makes you happy intact.

Stephanie and i have been seeing each other nearly everyday with few exceptions. It brings a sense of relief, her still wanting to spend time with me. It keeps me believing we can be happy together now and later. I'd like to do more things with her, although laying with Steph is a nice relaxing activity; it's not something that teaches us about one another. I love spending time with her, don't get me wrong. I love spending time with Steph, seeing all the funny faces she makes, hearing her jokes--though some may be lame, lol. I'd like to continue things, but i think we need to take it easy on one another. I want to always be nice to her, but at times, it becomes hopeless to react the same way when somethings she does hurts me. It's not as easy as it sounds, not even saying this is easy, and it's not nearly as easy when in the situation to look past emotion to the most plausible and best suiting decision. Bringing bad things up makes me hurt, but i need to get them off my chest. I'm not sure how she feels about all of this stuff, our problems, our fights. I don't know what's hard for her to do, but i understand it's hard to say somethings. That doesn't nullify the fact the words must be said, no matter how hard. I want to work through our problems. An important thing to remember in this is how it does take work, some hard work, some easy, but work the same. I wish i could say this without sounding like a dick. I want to be the best i can for her, nothing less. There's many good times, many great feelings, and i don't want to give her up; and I'm not ready to give up on anything rather try harder to reform things.