April 3, 2005 Spring Breaking until it's Broken

To start off, last night was good, and by saying last night i really meant this morning around 3 A.M. Last night was fun, Stephanie, Michelle, Emily, Greg, David, Audrey, Nick and I went to waffle house for way too long hanging around and talking about comical things, just enjoying the time i guess. We had no idea where we were going to go afterward so Audrey suggested my dad's house, but soon after we decided to head to Stephanie's place; her mom was out of town for the night. We got over there and i heard many things from many people. David and Michelle had a jam session with an electric and acoustic guitars in Stephanie's living room while audrey, emily and greg were in Stephanie's room chatting it up about music and such. Things were going great i suppose, but then i started feeling really intraverted. Maybe I was upset before I went there, but i know that what i had on my mind had been with me for some time, so it was just waiting to come out of me. I had been confused about how Stephanie really felt towards me, and how i felt towards her. I just felt like sleeping because I didn't want to ask and be let done. Once she took me into her mother's room and we sat there i knew i was blowing this out of perportion, or was i? I can't know anymore, everything seems so important now. We layed there, and she wouln't stop presurring me to tell her why i was upset and what was on my mind. I didn't want her to take anything the wrong way, so I asked her some important questions that both of us really needed to know if we wanted to feel stable or content with one another. The whole time I couldn't stop from feeling depressed, like I knew she wouldn't understand or maybe she just thought I was being a worry wort about everything. She had helped me to calm down by answering my questions without asking why I wanted to know, and without even hinting that it was unimportant to her. I could see that she cared for me, and I understood some reasons why once we started to talk. I had hoped she felt the same way I did, and she told me a lot that both her and I needed to hear. The whole time i was affraid it could be the end, and i hated thinking that so much it made me cry.
I woke up feeling completely indifferent and completely behind everyone else by hours, like i had missed so much time i could have done something with. Productive or not, I took a shower and shaved, cutting my face twice, but everything was okay, atleast i felt that way on the inside. I talked to a few people and here I am, wanting to leave and do something, ANYTHING. I can't leave Stephanie alone tonight, besides what else is there to do?
Here's to Spring Break, cheers to the memories, all to be forgotten.