everythings all hibity dibity... AWWW HORSE SHIT!

I've been in and out of this incredibly abhorrent mind state; degradation is a better term. And i've been becoming a degenerate by my standards. It's all too easy to let yourself get into a cycle of negativity, a cycle known as the downward spiral, beating yourself up over the small things and blowing things out of proportion. Balance is the goal, and sensitivity is the facet. I'm susceptible to harm, listening to everything in the extreme, and i have a problem of looking at things too intensely without speakin my mind. I'm all to easy to understand, and yet this conundrum persists in the ruination of my mental stability; although i know the problem, it's reparation isn't as easy as letting go of some weight, rather, carrying a new, heavier weight.

Summer gym is painful, and things are coming together in new ways i've never imaged happening. I decided that it's easier to gnaw off my leg than to run 7 laps in a 12 minute span, especially with my smoker lungs and diseased heart.

Where have all the good times gone? I need smiles and encouragement, and all i see is myself slipping down the hill of contentment. I'm not always down or anything, but I have a tendancy to swing that way, definitely negatively magnetized. Life's always seemingly dark, and it takes your energy to light the path. "Fun doesn't grow on trees."

But treenuts do. wait, do they?