One Of The Many Balancing Acts

As we all know or have learned from experience, life can be looked at in many ways, but none better suits life and all it's angles, sides, and ways than looking at the balances, which equalize and stabilize all life. I've just stumbled across a personal balance in my life. I've realized there aren't too many ways to elucidate on my meaning besides being as stark as possible, but, in doing so, I will be talking quite personally. I have had this enigma with depression, emphemeral stints of depression, contentment, and bliss--almost like I'm bipolar--until just recently, when I've been bringing up possible explanations with people and kind of venting or confiding my sorrows and confusions to people close to me. I've had an epiphany as to the identification of the problem and what, like many, it is from. I'd like to, first off, explain that there lies an unusual fluctuation in my mood, as if my standard mood is below the average person's mood, and that that lower fluctuation is what makes me so prone to depression. Second off, there must be a correlation between what I am doing and why I feel depressed or blithe, for that matter. I noticed that when I waste my time by watching T.V. or movies and cracking jokes with friends, I forget about my troubles and don't contemplate on important issues in my current life or the world, leaving me ignorant but full of bliss and blithe feelings. Sometimes, on the other hand, I am knowledgable to what is going on in my life and some, at least, with the world--especially after contemplating every once in a while--which leaves me acutely depressed with highs in contentment, but this is the only time I feel productive and responsive to what is going on about me. Naturally, I am stuck in this dilemma of being ignorant but blissful or perceptive and rueful, which leaves me wondering if this balancing act is even possible to obtain, or can it be another part of life left to it's own as fate.