March 30, 2005 Guilt only holds you back

Today, just one day of many in my life, i've decided to devote to progressing in my guilt problems. See you may be thinking, "Orion, oh why would you feel guilty about anything?" I'll tell you why, there's a dog downstairs, Gabe, who is almost in acoma because i through some damn rancid capacino out my bedroom window. This was no ordinary rancid capacino, this was full of something we all despise finding in our bedrooms, MOLD! When throughing this capacino out my window it did not strike me that i may be harming animals, only that i would saving myself from this reched smell that was only growing. This smell surpassed my cigarette smoke in odar, which as you all know is very hard to do. Yet did i know, that the family dog, Gabe, would run up like the retard cutie he is and stuff his face with the MOLD! I thought as i was laying down in my bed after my mom had come in with her extremely bitchy ranting, that only she could do, maybe i'll go talk to audrey for a little while. So i got up and walked into audrey's room thinking nothing unusual had happened, but soon after the loud silence was interupted with a buzz sound coming from the wall. Originally Audrey and i thought it was something outside, that maybe some person was having some good times with the window open, but to our suprise it had turned out to be the family dog, gabe, shaking violently with vomit surounding his paws, just staring at me with a grin on his face.
So now the dog is getting better and i feel less guilty for what i have done, fed the dog mold accidently.

March 29, 2005. Another day on Spring Break?!?!?

Today has been ok as far as i can see. I say this for two reasons, my mom isn't nearly as upset as i thought she would be from discovering that i snuck out, and second it's nice out today with warm weather and a pretty clear sky. My mom asked me why i was drinking so much coffee when i was making some tea, and soon after told me she was really angry with me. I said i wasn't being a bad kid, and i asked her what i had done to be so bad. "Had i started strife in the household, had i gotten bad grades, had i given up on the family, had i not tried to be good? What did i do before i was put on house arrest that made me such a bad person as to deserve this?" She replied with an atitude saying i had disobeyed house arrest rules in all the five ways i could, and that i hadn't listened to her. She went mega bitchy and started mumbling fuck you, and turned to me saying, "you just flip me off when i look the other way." She started walking down the stairs flipping me off saying Fuck you! fuck you!, and slammed the door.That was my drama for the day...On a lighter note, I was I made this blog so i can start writing my mind down on cyber paper. Maybe it'll help me to type faster as well? I damn sure hope so, steph's slaughtering me. (she has years on me) (lets take this battle up in starcraft?, yeah didn't think so!) less than, three, three, three, three, three. Well even though this is short, i garentee that the entries to come will not be lacking as much as this. Young wants to game, and since I'm his bitch...I can write whatever in this thing. Awesome to the max. So here's some ideas V
Free me.
My eyes locked.
Fuck me.
You're all I want.
Forgive me.
You see, I'm stuck.
Hate me.
Its the only way to...
(what musician doesn't have a song with "fuck me" in it? i don't want to be left out)

March 26, 2005 An old Entry

My other Preoccupation
today's friday the 26th of march. i'm listening to some Yoko Kanno and it's only 3:31 p.m., its a bit early. I made it home last night. Last night was great. i had a wonderful time even though chocolate syrup didn't turn out as i expected, although it was still very fun; interesting is a better word for it. I forgot all about how when its heated up it's viscosity is higher. well only the floor payed and not even much. i don't think she cares about the chocolate syrup so much as what i did with it.
So last night for some reason she looked different in a good way. Maybe i was just missing her so much she looked even better than usual. I thought to myself when she looked at me that i'll never forget that face this moment, it'll last forever in my memory.