Good and Bad News and somethin else

Good news, i started summer gym, and I'm on my way to earning a gym credit as long as i don't get kicked out of the class before it ends. I've now missed two days, considering today. My dad's is a place i can feel okay just thinking and lying about, reading or thinking. It's bringing me relief to have my mind wonder when i look out on to the land and watch the distant horizon and the clouds. There's two Blue Siamese kitten's named Tao and Zen, cuter than cute but obnoxious at times. They will follow you all around the farm if you give them attention for a little while. David lives close, and he's someone i can spend time with, talking about things and wondering our minds away and maybe even playing some music.

I've got about 20 pages left in hannibal. I was going to finish it last night before i slept, but i eventually got to tired. I realize it's not so much i don't read fast, rather, ddon't read that much; certainly, i don't read everyday, some weeks, i don't even see my books nor do i write. I wrote some last night, but it's been hard to compile my thoughts into complete ideas for sentences.

Stephanie and I are doing as well as we ever have. I'd like to do more things outside with her and maybe cut back on the "la la"--take that as you will--but there's nothing i'm truly dissatified with, unless it's myself. She's always supporting me with her words, giving me advice or just showing affection by holding me. I love when she holds me or plays with my hair, so much that I dreampt about it last night. I can't remember anything besides that. I just recall laying on my bed with hand on my head, running her fingers through my hair. I'd pop a smile, and rest my eyes. I honestly don't remember many dreams, and when i do, they're only fragments of some bigger thoughts.

Bad news, Jeff collapsed and died Sunday night. For people who don't know Jeff or how his significant to the family, he's Kylee's fiance to be; they've been dating for about 2 years. She's been broken up on and off, screaming and smiling with friends. I don't what else to say besides that there's not much to say or do about any of this. I can only be here for Kylee when she has a query, needs a favor, or a shoulder to cry on. There's not much i feel like saying, nor do i have the thoughts to write about. If it's any consolation to anyone, i care deeply about kylee and what she's going to have to go through. I don't understand all the challenges she's going to have to face, but i want to be there at her side when she faces them.

I've been feeling lazy. So what to do to fix the problem, but keep myself distracted and occupied. I'm lazy, and i need to quit smoking. Seems like being lazy would be a constituent help; unknowly, it provides even more reason to give into the cravings. One probably wouldn't think that to be so, but it's proven a stronger reason to give in than to even consider going without a cigarette.

Oh, and kicking my little brother's asses is something i'm beginning to take pleasure in once again. We need to have a talk, clearly. I need to explain to Ben it's mostly up to him whether the fighting continues and what the consequences are. Talking to Ben is going to be a pain, but it's something that needs to be done.

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thoughtless time counts infinitely
seeping through the cracks
forgiving,
forgetting,
forever indifferent to it's sway
plush sky with open eyes blinking infinitely
sound hopes,
sound fears,
hum from day to night
try once,
try hard,
remember where you are
the rememberance of whom you should be
the exulted remanance of dust, of being
tide rises, tide falls,
crashing into my dreams
seems formal trust ruins the meaning,
the grandeur
fog and clouds,
thoughts that shroud
the missing and missed accompanied by smells,
the odor of emotion day to night,
sight of day,
how come my ignorance is felt the way
such a brief noise,
the static naunce,
spontaneous