jump the train if it means hiding the tracks

I cleaned my room! GO me! I'm flippin bored off my a-s-s and thinking I'd rather be anywhere but here right now, just because of the boredom of the same damn house and how languid my interest in anything here is anymore. I burnt 2 CD's for Steph, The Faint Albums and Dirty Three, because I was planning on bringing them to the drive-in we were supposed to be going to with my dad, unfortunately he cancled on us, still going with Ben and E'j. I'm pissed about not being able to go, but I can't seem to stay on the subject very long; that's no suprise with how ADD I've been feeling lately. I'm glad I haven't been feeling depressed--I have some interest in things right even though I'm rather bored in the overall scheme of everything. I have an strong urge to quit smoking today, now, keeps coming up that I need to deny myself the next cigarette. So much easier said than done. I always lay down at night with the same thoughts about quitting smoking the next day, but now I have a wall that won't let me pass any other ideas through, saying in bright, loud text, "ignore that next craving."
The damned Driveright still hasn't called me about my drives and how they were originally planned to be scheduled like 3 weeks ago. I don't understand how they can't have me on a list to schedule my drives, they don't understand how much this has been fucking with my mood, god damnit. -sigh- I can start harassing them everyday, which I probably should've been oing already. I hate doing all this work for something that isn't supposed to be this hard, but then again, I need to give them some motivation to fucking schedule my damn drives. I wanted to be driving by mid-summer and going to places with the Stepher, places that we'd like to go or places she'd like to go. Jobs are too much work to obtain too, and I'm going to need one to pay for gas. Wow, growing up is a pain in the ass. I'm glad my little brothers don't read this ever; I'd be saying some horrible things they shouldn't hear, or shouldn't hear from one of their role models, their older brother. hmmm. So much to do but little interest in any of it. I have to force myself to do the same things over and over, hoping that in some odd way I'd begin to enjoy them more. I know it's true and works because I've been reading and enjoying it more. Some days aren't good days for me, feelings of depression and languid interest overwhelm me, making me want to change this cycle I'm living. This damn routine I've suckered myself into is creating bad feelings left and right. Looking on the bright side of the matter, I'm getting better, slowly but surely.
Stephanie has betrayed the blogger world! Okay maybe that's a bit too extreme, but she has been Xanga-ing tons lately, talking to all the other teenagers around the cybersphere. I've been questioning if I should make a xanga to get in on some of the action that seems to be awesome or something. lol. I don't think I'm not social enough. Almost forgot the 'not' in that last sentence--that would've completely redirected the meaning of that sentence. We've seen each other everday this weekend, and she's not sick of me. Wow, this is what love is, yet another definition. I love her and i miss being around her, even when i've seen her so much recently. Everyday, I want to be able to lay with her or hold her or visa versa.