My hand without yours

Even more Unorganized Accounts of My Preoccupation

Would I be the one with tears staining my face in the dark of the night on a matress fraught with with your memory?
And at night there's nothing but tomorrow's drudgery to consider,
a place and time thereafter, where our worlds, my life, is expunged.
And why don't you choke on these thoughts as I speak them?
And why has my luck fallen short of death?
If there's no thought, no suffering, and choice,
how come your eye's show me otherwise?
How long must I drown before there's some relief?

And HOW COULD YOU!?

Just as I have thought of our world without myself,
Just a reaction like any,
Just the thought of this world replacing my love and more
is so insufferable as a friend's death untimely.

DON'T YOU CARE OF MY DROWNING, OF MY GASPS FOR AIR, OF MY DEATH IN MIND?

Why don't you choke on these thoughts so inevitable as my next breath?

BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT THOUGHT OR FELT OR CONTRIVED!?

Well here's to the end of some thing as beautiful as life itself;
I tip my head forward to comply and drown out all these thoughts with pain I feign to hide under another facade of selfrespect.
Let it be over now.

we lie to ourselves

First Check here for more Unorganized Accounts of My Preoccupation

Why do we expose the blemishes and cracks to the eyes
as to admonish the ill-fated for their imperfections and lies?
then when does the light see it's dark side?
when blame is no longer rational, it's just pride
I blame you, and I still blame me
because censure is nothin but hypocracy
because some things not even science can explain
because an explanation needs an explanation and it's nothin but pain
so lets call these mysteries history
but before you search and acquire
you must know that which we all desire
but life's not black and white like text
not as easy and tasteless as sex
Life's not the light or dark
but a grey that's not stark

Find The Truth. Act On It.

I am sometimes confronted with such overt stupidity in the news, that I have to post it somewhere, somwhow, and for all to read. Even though all in this case would probably only be a few individuals in which rarely would read this old blog. I must say that the hypocracy of the international landscape is quite often some repugnant it's almost better NOT to read the news at all. And the lack of influence on anyone's interests is sickning. It imputes a torpor state of apathy in which all hope is purged from sight like an eclispe of the sun.

THE U.S. WARNS THE GLOBE OF GLOBAL METH THREAT
AND GLOBE WARNS THE U.S. OF GLOBAL WARMING

Do you think there's something wrong with this picture?
Of course you do, and you may be asking yourself, "what can I do about this bullshit!?"
nothing...
Absolutely nothing...
Apathetic? No.
Daunted by the reluctancy of the U.S. to join the KYOTO train? Sure.
Are we all going to be thwarted by such an overt lack of health concerns by the U.S. government... The trees are being cut down so rapidly that the chances of our oxygen replenishing are slim to none. The Freakin poles are are braking off into the ocean and melting, killing tons of animals. Our oceans are dying--literally--, coral reefs, fishes of all kinds, and plant life. The ozone depletion ensuing is so hectic we can't really keep up with it in the news. The political games are still being thrown.
Olympics?
Ambassidors?
Political Campaigns?
FUCKING HOLY WARS?
And what do people do?

We talk as if things are just casually ambling along. Nothing's too big to handle anymore. blah blah cell phones cause cancer!? Yada Yada oh nevermind, our bad; WAIT THEY... we don't know. Blah Blah White Finger occurs on miners hands from the vibrations. La De Dah.

THE FUCKING GOVERNMENTS ACT LIKE THIS ISN'T A HUGE GOD DAMN ISSUE! NONE OF THIS IS A HUGE GOD DAMN ISSUE IN THEIR FREAKIN EYES. THEY'D RATHER TALK ABOUT THE SOCIAL SECURITY CRISIS OR FUCKIN WHITE FINGER!?!?

THE HELL IS THIS CRAP!?

Yeah, and the important things. They're not being spoken, like always; they'll be dealt with when it's too late, when it's past the compromising stages, when things are so far downhill, it won't matter how we attempt to climb out because we're already getting the dirt thrown on us. The Politicians Lie. "The truth is replaced with silence, and silence is a lie." GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEADS. We don't need another party to equalize things. We don't need to worry about gas prices now...

WE NEED TO OPEN OUR FREAKIN FRONT DOORS AND LOOK THE HECK AROUND!

THERE IS NO ONE LEFT BUT US.

NO ONE IS HERE TO SPEAK FOR THE PEOPLE.

THE PEOPLE MUST EFFin SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES.

Welcome

The invisible line between right and wrong
A speck off the map in the middle of home
If actions are what define us
and choices define them
Then how come the choice is the lesser of two evils
and not without sin?
Is inquiry betrayal
If inquiry's within?
The truth is neither black nor white nor shades of grey
It's the questions we ask in mere fear we pray

Don't remember me by this...

Most Mornings
My time holding onto yesterday,
Can't I put the day on hold on line two
like those secretaries i always see
Is it me or is this time meant for sleep?
Get up to sit down, wait around
People say a baby's cry is instinct for us to respond to
Are they made by the same people who made my alarm clock?
Before you can say morning news
You're out the door, with your mug,
got your keys, got your time
and you start the day without piece of mind

ignorance is no longer bliss

No more, beings living in this world, can we, the people, support what we do not know. Fellow idealists, romantics, modernists, and traditionalists, no more of this deception of our world, of our lives, and of our family's, friend's, lover's, partner's, co-worker's, enemy's, and associate's lives, pulling the wool over our eyes. I will not let our control be withheld by powerful tyrants and their dreams of happiness in wealth and in power. I speak today from my heart to yours, from one human being to another to say I can no longer let us go without knowing what is truth! For without this knowledge we do not know what is wrong. There are very few truths as important as the knowledge we do not have, the truth behind the politics. We are being pushed aside. We are being looked at as satistics. They do not look at us as fellow humans existing in the same world, but as objects to be obtained for their power.

Hear Me

Free me.
My eyes locked.
Fuck me.
You're all I want
Forgive me.
You see, I'm stuck.
Hate me.
Its the only way to...

Unorganized Accounts of My Incarceration

I'm telling you, i have been shooting myself in the foot for so long that i can't even feel it anymore. Either i have to run out of ammunition or someone has to take my gun for me to stop. Where has all this left me? Incarceration? Confinement? i'm getting there if i don't do something, get something, give something up; but all i can really contrive to do is drop everything and quit. That is half my problem, wanting to give up instead of perservere. When i should see the challenge at hand, climb it and succeed, i see a wall and try another way to avoid it all. There's got to be more to this dilemma.

What could be talking about?
DIVERSION
AGAIN,
That's right, AGAIN.
Just as last year i had a restrictive juvenile gun pointed at my head. Motivation huh?

5 4 5, fuck off!

I was at work just about 15 minutes, when all the sudden, standing next to my GM, melissa, was this massive burning arby's bag. She had, apparently, put the entire bag in the fry window waiting for the fries to come up. As soon as it caught fire i stood and said, "this is a fine example of what we shouldn't do at arby's."
"Cause if it isn't, I'M TOTALLY DOING THAT AGAIN SOMETIME!"


Yeah... i really don't have much time at all. I'm going to head back to work.
Oh, yay, stephanie called back.

buy one get one free

Hey there people or robots(if robots, please stop reading my blog and archiving it, fucking solicitors),

Purchasing things for the holiday season is something that we all have to do, but did you know of the harmful effects of holiday shopping?
"Tonight at 10 o'clock. Holiday Hunters, Brother."

Discombobulated, barreling through websites as if it was the 90's, during the period of Rosey O'Donnald fan fairs and mid-day female empowerment, and everyone was after the same thing, a talking elmo doll; I stared long and hard into the true threads of the internet. Not for the talking elmo doll--idon't have kids, and if i did, i sure as hell wouldn't get them a fucking talking puppet--rather something abated in mass but valued more than human life: a ring made of elements found and mined strickly by african nations looking for wealth, unfortunely, only get further and further from it. Yes, that's right, tiny rocks known by many as BLING$, and, by some, as diamonds--an extremely hard, highly refractive crystalline form of carbon that is usually colorless and is used as a gemstone and in abrasives, cutting tools, and other applications.
This is something for some odd reason, besides it innate ability to withhold large amounts of preasure without breaking, has been molded by commerce proprietors to be known as: "gift that lasts for ever", "the way to show her you love her", and "the gift that truely gives." (yeah, gives us war and a much higher global death demograph. Thanks Imperialism. ^_^)
The substance known as bling has been known to have adverse effects on people, depending on gender and carrots--the way to tell how much of your account will be gone after you purchase the item. Females, for some reason, have been for many years simply amazed by the shininess of the object, mesmurized by the mystical , yet enthralling, appeal. Men, on the other hand, have created more practical uses of the object. First, they turned to the political arena, revealing large crystal, or "bling", objects during debates. Unfortunately, their efforts were inadvertently thwarted by the lack of foreign female politians--pick an asian country--realizing it had more of an effect on their own polticians.
Next, they turned to industrial use, finding the expensive bling to be quite feasible for applications other than female oriented weapons. For example, sharp objects.

Oh dear...
I've gotten off topic here haven't I.
I'm truly sorry, where was i...?
Oh yes, online shopping. I was doing that earlier with my stepmom, looking for bling for my babygirl. (you know who you are.)

I've found that big stores have more to pay out, more overhead payment for their items, leaving them inadequate in the online market, seeing as ebay proprietors have nothing to pay out.
Online shopping is truly the best way to shop for christmas gifts: the safest, the calmest, the most secretive, and the simply the cheapest form of christmas shopping.

Damnit, i have to go to work. I'm already spending next weeks pay... YE YE. j/k.